Love, girlfriends, and other things the fairies stole

“Mr. Aberhom,” the fairy smiled. She held her hand out, gesturing towards the chair on the other side of her desk, “please take a seat.” I could see all her pointy teeth as she smiled at me.

I nodded, staring at her. The dark blue suit she was wearing accentuated the strong pink of her skin. I snapped out of my thoughts; it’s rude to stare. I closed the door of the office and sat down on a plushy chair.

“Now, what can I help you with, Mr. Aberhom?”

“Well, I’ve come today, Miss…”

“Bubblegum.”

“Miss Bubblegum, because I am not satisfied. With your products. You guaranteed love and fulfilling relationships, but currently this is the third time in two months that I’ve been dumped! And I’m fairly certain that your fairies stole my last girlfriend, Petunia!” I said, trying to contain my anger. I’d not come here to argue, I’d come here for clarifications and perhaps some arrangements. I actually genuinely liked Petunia.

“We don’t steal people, Mr. Aberhom. Petunia contacted us on her own and asked us to help her, as she didn’t know how to exit the relationship,” Miss Bubblegum said, snapping her fingers three times. A hole opened in the ceiling and a thick folder fell into her hand. I looked up. The hole had closed up. Miss Bubblegum opened the folder. I shut up as she read, unsure of whether I could say anything. After a couple of minutes, she looked up.

“Can I…can I ask why?”, I asked uncertainly. “I didn’t do anything.”

“Precisely.”

I stared at her. Perhaps she took pity on me, because she continued. “The level of love worldwide decreased by 15% in the last year,” she said, with a sad smile on her lips. “And sadly when it comes to our services, at least, a lot of patients purchase our products and services hoping to increase their romantic chances, but in turn do nothing in those relationships to favour the general happiness of both participants.”

I felt my body go cold.

“I…do that?” I whispered.

I stared at my hands. They seemed more vivid. Was I having a panic attack or was this room just too goddamn colourful? I stared briefly at the orange walls and the paintings hung on them. Perhaps a little bit of both.

I heard Miss Bubblegum sigh. I looked up to see her looking at me with something very close to pity. I hated that look. I hated her a bit, too.

“I know you don’t mean to. We live in a fast-paced world where we expect immediate results for what we invest in, preferably with as few resources as possible. We come to expect the same of relationships, but they require a lot of patience.”

“What can I do?” I asked.

Miss Bubblegum sighed. “Well, for the first, perhaps don’t blame it on fairies when you’re unsuccessful in love,” she smiled quickly, then continued, on a much serious note. “I cannot tell you. This is a bit personal but I’ve never been into a relationship, I’ve never wanted it and it’s highly likely I’ll never want to. So I cannot tell you how to be better at romantic relationships. I suppose that’s on you to discover, regardless.” I nodded. “For what is worth, though, you don’t have to do it alone. Therapy could help. I think Orcs are some of the best therapists and personally, I have only great things to say about Mr. Wormwood. You could give it a try.”

I nodded. There wasn’t much else to do, really.

“Would you like to acquire a new product to help you find a new, more suitable partner?”

I shook my head, then winced. “Maybe in a month? Or two? I’ll need my paycheck and, perhaps, I’ll need to think of how to…be better at relationships.”

She nodded. “Will that be all?”

“Uh…yea. Thanks.”

She nodded, then gestured towards the door.

“Um, actually, can I use the window?”

She blinked at me then smiled again. “Of course,” she nodded. I walked towards the window, looked back at her.

“Um, bye. Thanks a lot for your help.”

“No problem, Mr. Aberhom. That’s what I’m here for. Good luck.”

I nodded then I opened the window. I jumped from the windowsill and my wings unfurled behind me. They beat once, then twice. When I was at a reasonable distance, I looked back to see Miss Bubblegum close her window.

I huffed. Well…that was that.

I could do with some chicken wings from KFC.

And perhaps I could check out that therapist that she was talking about.